Some things are just not so obvious...

Believe it or not, I had never heard of the term “Speed Coaching” before last month when I was asked to be a guest speaker at the Women's Leadership Exchange in Chicago.

What a thoroughly exciting, invigorating, emotional and exhausting experience!

Let me try to explain this roller coaster ride: There are about 150 women that are invited to attend and seek advice from six "coaches." Each coach (an expert in a variety of fields—finance, law, management, etc.) has a station, and women approach these coaches for advice.

Easy right?

NOT.

On the desk at each station is a timer set for – no kidding – five minutes. The clock is ticking, and you have just those five minutes to pose a question, problem or issue to the coach in front of you and receive a key nugget of advice in return. That’s five minutes to hear their individual stories, respond, and hope to inspire. We had 45 minutes to fill but it felt like 45 hours. In walked the 150 women and armed with just my timer, I was off!

To my surprise, I had the longest line and I was feeling quite popular until, I realized I wasn’t so much of the appeal as my title on the station. It read: 'Career Coach / Life Balance."

First, there was Kate. She explained that she was not being heard in her company and didn’t know where to turn. She kept hitting that famous brick wall. That was an easy one for me – it was a simple lack of confidence. So I’m thinking, “This speed coaching thing is easy...”

In walked Marie, who is 37 years old, married, and has made the decision not to have children. She works from home on a very successful resume writing service and is quite happy. Her issue? "For years now, my mother and I fight at least once a month because she says I don't have a job," she said. Her mother came to the conclusion that because she doesn’t don the business attire and travel to a desk everyday in an office environment, she doesn’t have a career. She continued, "I have explained to her that I do work and I am very successful and very happy." YES. All I could do was stare with a, "you gotta be kidding me" look. (You may have seen this look before!) I responded, "Sooooo, what’s the problem?" She looked at me with that same face I had just given her. I said, "Marie, it’s not your problem!" Confused, she cried, "WHAT?” I repeated myself and then said, "NEXT!" It took her about three minutes after she left me, and it clicked - she ran back to my table, slammed her hand on it and exclaimed, "I get it!" with a gleaming smile and look of revelation.

Then there was Molly, who wanted advice as to how to cope with her husband's complaints that she was never home. She was trying to start a business and required a lot of networking events in the evening. (There’s a role reversal for you!) After a few minutes it was clear that it was a time management issue.

...and then there was Ming. Ming was very well dressed in a business suit, and her hands were filled with material she had received from the event. (I mean, this woman was no more than 100 lbs and carrying her weight in brochures!) She knew she was short for time, so she got right to the point. She told me she was married with two children, including a nine-month-old. “I am a nurse fulltime and I work as a guide in a local museum,” she continued. “I also write various columns for the health care industry and I am trying to start my own business. My problem is that my husband and I bicker ALL the time about chores in the house." WOW. I was exhausted just listening to her. The first thing I said was, "Are you ok?" Five seconds later, the tears came down her face. She was exhausted. Needless to say, I turned off the timer. All I could do was give this lovely woman a hug and tell her to hold off on her aspirations in becoming an entrepreneur…for now. Some things are just more important, like herself, her family, and, especially her nine-month old. She never expected me to tell her to put off her dream. I am convinced that she was expecting me to say, “Get things organized! Here are some tips for time management.” NO way Ming! That dream will always be there, it just doesn’t have to be tackled today. First, take care of you.

The point to my story is that not everything is textbook and not everything is easily seen. Sometimes the issues we face in life and in our careers are not that difficult to resolve—we just can’t see them. I did nothing extraordinary in these 45 minutes. I just listened. Of all the stories I heard that day, I could relate to MANY of them myself, which means we all have very similar issues, we just need someone to help steer us from time to time and point out the obvious.

When I was at the airport, waiting for my flight back to New York, I couldn't help but think about Ming and the other wonderful women I met. I had a bit of time and decided to call my sister to catch up and share what I was thinking about personally after my experience at the conference. My wise sister said, "Isn’t this what finding what matters is all about?" The light bulb went on immediately. I said, “Holy Cow!” (Ok, I didn’t actually say, "cow.") She was absolutely right. Our new company, fwm, is all about connecting with other people to remind us of what truly matters in our careers and lives.

I just needed someone to point out the obvious.

So, I’ll ask you now. What would you ask if you had a five-minute Speed Coaching session? Well, we call our version of Speed Coaching, Dear fwm, and we’re accepting your queries now! Email your question to dearfwm@findingwhatmatters.com and we’ll select fwm community members regularly to receive personalized advice from someone in our wide web of expert contributors. Ask away!

(Please note that the names in this article have been changed to honor the privacy of the women involved.)

When the long hours are totally worth it...

The cost of something is the amount of life that you must exchange for it.

I've seen this quote before, but I saw it again this morning while standing in line to pay at my favorite country market. Just being in there puts me in a good mood, because the people who run it have a passion for what they are doing and it shows in every home-made item. And in the lovely quotes they put up on their white board by the cash register.

I've had jobs I loved and I worked a lot of hours at them. When I married, and when I later became a mother, the amount of life I was exchanging for a good job and a good paycheck somehow became too big a cost. I do a different type of work now. In a small way, I am helping to launch fwm. My role isn't the biggest one on the team but like everyone else here, what I do does matter.

I suppose here would be the place in the story where I happily report that I work less hours and have more time with my family. Well, I do. However, that doesn't mean there aren't some weeks that require more hours--there are. I'm happy to work them. Why? Didn't I leave that all behind? I'm happy to work those hours because we're building something here that matters and because this work fits perfectly into my life (I do a portion of it from a home office).

Carolyn and Jen have had big jobs and worked tons of hours, too. And now they have big jobs and work tons of hours. What's the difference? Fwm is theirs and they are building it with a passion and dedication that differs from other kinds of work.

You entrepreneurs know what this is--so tell us about it. Did it come as a surprise to you that you have had to work some unbelievable hours to build your business? Is the cost worth it to you?

Working From Home: My Four Biggest Time-Wasters

OK, first off: the good news. Working full-time from home is great. On rainy days, you can't beat the commute. On sunny days, I pull my laptop onto my terrace and feel nothing short of smug. However, I've discovered the hard way that there are many pratfalls you need to look out for, lest you want to be working from home well into the night.

What is my biggest pratfall of all? I bet you can guess. Time-wasters. Here are the biggies:

* Personal phone calls. I have discovered that some people equate working from home with not really working at all. As such, I have fielded many a long, involved personal phone call at, oh, 10:30 on a Monday morning. Next thing I know, it's noon. I have found the solution to be as simple as it sounds - Caller ID. If it's not work-related, I call back on my lunch hour. No exceptions. I've become hyper-vigilant about this, and noticed a big difference.
* Unexpected Visitors. A friend of mine is an artist who lives six blocks away. Thursday is his designated day off, where he does errands and likes to catch up with friends. The first couple of times he stopped by unannounced, I felt it was important to show I could be spontaneous and take advantage of my work-from-home freedom. Next thing I knew, it was 10:00 pm and I was racing towards a deadline. The truth is, you need to be disciplined, not spontaneous, for working from home to really work.
* Email. Perhaps the toughest time waster of all. Many corporations ban internet email, and that's a smart move if you ask me. Without coworkers to banter with, I often look to email as an opportunity to connect with people in a limited, time effective way. I don't feel a need to reply to every email, and save prolonged communications for the weekend. Does anyone out there have strategies for effectively limiting your email? I'm all ears!
* The Ellen Degeneres Show. OK, this is one rule I learned hard and fast. No TV. Never. Ever. I watch the Ellen Degeneres Show on vacation, and it's all the sweeter.

Working from home has pros and cons. You'll work much harder than you ever imagined (time is money), and it can be lonely. But if it's what you want, it is so worth it. I'd love to hear your stories of working from home. Is it all you thought it would be?