Some things are just not so obvious...

Believe it or not, I had never heard of the term “Speed Coaching” before last month when I was asked to be a guest speaker at the Women's Leadership Exchange in Chicago.

What a thoroughly exciting, invigorating, emotional and exhausting experience!

Let me try to explain this roller coaster ride: There are about 150 women that are invited to attend and seek advice from six "coaches." Each coach (an expert in a variety of fields—finance, law, management, etc.) has a station, and women approach these coaches for advice.

Easy right?

NOT.

On the desk at each station is a timer set for – no kidding – five minutes. The clock is ticking, and you have just those five minutes to pose a question, problem or issue to the coach in front of you and receive a key nugget of advice in return. That’s five minutes to hear their individual stories, respond, and hope to inspire. We had 45 minutes to fill but it felt like 45 hours. In walked the 150 women and armed with just my timer, I was off!

To my surprise, I had the longest line and I was feeling quite popular until, I realized I wasn’t so much of the appeal as my title on the station. It read: 'Career Coach / Life Balance."

First, there was Kate. She explained that she was not being heard in her company and didn’t know where to turn. She kept hitting that famous brick wall. That was an easy one for me – it was a simple lack of confidence. So I’m thinking, “This speed coaching thing is easy...”

In walked Marie, who is 37 years old, married, and has made the decision not to have children. She works from home on a very successful resume writing service and is quite happy. Her issue? "For years now, my mother and I fight at least once a month because she says I don't have a job," she said. Her mother came to the conclusion that because she doesn’t don the business attire and travel to a desk everyday in an office environment, she doesn’t have a career. She continued, "I have explained to her that I do work and I am very successful and very happy." YES. All I could do was stare with a, "you gotta be kidding me" look. (You may have seen this look before!) I responded, "Sooooo, what’s the problem?" She looked at me with that same face I had just given her. I said, "Marie, it’s not your problem!" Confused, she cried, "WHAT?” I repeated myself and then said, "NEXT!" It took her about three minutes after she left me, and it clicked - she ran back to my table, slammed her hand on it and exclaimed, "I get it!" with a gleaming smile and look of revelation.

Then there was Molly, who wanted advice as to how to cope with her husband's complaints that she was never home. She was trying to start a business and required a lot of networking events in the evening. (There’s a role reversal for you!) After a few minutes it was clear that it was a time management issue.

...and then there was Ming. Ming was very well dressed in a business suit, and her hands were filled with material she had received from the event. (I mean, this woman was no more than 100 lbs and carrying her weight in brochures!) She knew she was short for time, so she got right to the point. She told me she was married with two children, including a nine-month-old. “I am a nurse fulltime and I work as a guide in a local museum,” she continued. “I also write various columns for the health care industry and I am trying to start my own business. My problem is that my husband and I bicker ALL the time about chores in the house." WOW. I was exhausted just listening to her. The first thing I said was, "Are you ok?" Five seconds later, the tears came down her face. She was exhausted. Needless to say, I turned off the timer. All I could do was give this lovely woman a hug and tell her to hold off on her aspirations in becoming an entrepreneur…for now. Some things are just more important, like herself, her family, and, especially her nine-month old. She never expected me to tell her to put off her dream. I am convinced that she was expecting me to say, “Get things organized! Here are some tips for time management.” NO way Ming! That dream will always be there, it just doesn’t have to be tackled today. First, take care of you.

The point to my story is that not everything is textbook and not everything is easily seen. Sometimes the issues we face in life and in our careers are not that difficult to resolve—we just can’t see them. I did nothing extraordinary in these 45 minutes. I just listened. Of all the stories I heard that day, I could relate to MANY of them myself, which means we all have very similar issues, we just need someone to help steer us from time to time and point out the obvious.

When I was at the airport, waiting for my flight back to New York, I couldn't help but think about Ming and the other wonderful women I met. I had a bit of time and decided to call my sister to catch up and share what I was thinking about personally after my experience at the conference. My wise sister said, "Isn’t this what finding what matters is all about?" The light bulb went on immediately. I said, “Holy Cow!” (Ok, I didn’t actually say, "cow.") She was absolutely right. Our new company, fwm, is all about connecting with other people to remind us of what truly matters in our careers and lives.

I just needed someone to point out the obvious.

So, I’ll ask you now. What would you ask if you had a five-minute Speed Coaching session? Well, we call our version of Speed Coaching, Dear fwm, and we’re accepting your queries now! Email your question to dearfwm@findingwhatmatters.com and we’ll select fwm community members regularly to receive personalized advice from someone in our wide web of expert contributors. Ask away!

Dear fwm: Tom Volkar on Changing Gears

Thanks to all who have sent questions to us through our DearFwm email (and keep them coming!). We can’t wait until fwm launches so that we can regularly feature these dilemmas, with solutions from our fwm expert contributors. Here’s a sample of what’s in store: fwm Community Member Mia Smith sent us this question, and we’ve asked fwm expert contributor Tom Volkar to jump in and answer. Mia’s question deals with something so many of us face--gathering the courage to take flight in a new career direction. Tom is a career coach, writer, and blogger who specializes in helping people realize their potential. Mia writes:

I have been working for the same company for the past 13 years. When I first started here it was my intention to be here for five years only and move on to open my own business. Obviously, that time has come and gone. I have always had a desire to own my own business. My latest dream has left me overwhelmed and afraid because I feel like it is bigger than I am. This has kept me confused as to which direction to move in. I am not sure where to begin because the ideas keep coming to enhance my initial dream. So, at this point I have been journaling my ideas until I can get a hold of what I am doing, but I need guidance.

I understand how you feel. Many before you have also been intimidated by the scope and power of their own imagination. Fear not. Your idea came to you; that means that you have the strength and capability to see it through to reality.

But you must decide on a direction and act. You can’t remain in your head because all your doubts and fears are there, eroding your dreams. To act you need confidence. You need to feel as though the odds are in your favor. A good coach can help you to validate your authentic desires and match them to a market need. A coach can help you sort things out so you can see and choose your next optimum step.

Once you get into action only good things can happen.

1). You’ll be able to see what you could not before. Opportunities and connections will appear as you act.
2). You’ll make mistakes and they will help you to arrive at fresh realizations from which you can make adjustments and move forward.
3). You’ll be in the midst of making your dream come true and you’ll feel much more vibrant and alive than you did while just in your head. Every part of your being will vibrate with joy and fulfillment.

I’ll make you an offer that I hope you have the courage to accept. I’ll give you a no-obligation coaching session so that you can receive the guidance you seek. Your only payment will be to write about your experience of being coached and share it on this blog. That way we both can help inspire many others to get out of their heads and into action.

Tom Volkar ~ CoreU & DelightfulWork.com

Words of Wisdom

Seeing things not for what they are but for what they might be creates opportunities.

- Carolyn Kepcher, fwm

One of the things we love most about what we’re building at fwm is an unparalleled network of expert contributors: authors, speakers, celebrities, coaches and executives who are sought after for their career expertise and insight.

And so, since the Yahoo! Seeds for Success contest has us all thinking about what it takes to create and run a business, we’ve asked a handful of these experts to share their words of wisdom with you on the topics of entrepreneurship, fulfilling your dreams, and truly thriving while striving.

From holdups and holdouts to deals and developments, entrepreneurship is a world unto itself -- and can best be enjoyed and conquered in the company of supportive peers and wise mentors. We hope you’ll find fuel for your journey in these…

Take this to heart; your idea came to you and no one is better equipped to make it a reality than you. No matter what happens, know that you have what it takes to be a champion or this idea would not have even occurred to you.

- Tom Volkar, Delightful Work & CoreU.com

Great entrepreneurial minds never go it alone. Seek out mentors in the business area you're interested in. Read every book and article you can get your hands on. Study companies and industries that relate to your idea.Keep sending yourself positive karma but balance that with a healthy dose of idea analysis. Great business ventures spring from well thought out plans and critical thinking.

But don't fool yourself into thinking it's going to be easy. If you're afraid, steer clear of launching your own venture. The path to self-employment and entrepreneurship is often paved with mistakes, missteps, and failure. That's just the way it is, gals. If that doesn't scare the stilettos off of you, then you've got the makings of a true business owner.

- Eve Tahmincioglu, Author, "From the Sandbox to the Corner Office" / Columnist/Blogger, MSNBC.com's "Your Career"and "YourBiz" / Blogger, CareerDiva.net

Never allow fear to stop you from realizing your dreams, there’s a whole new world out there for those willing to step out and take a chance. Follow your passion and your heart and everything will start to fall into place. You never know what magic awaits until you take that first step. You can do it!

- Cynthia Shapiro, The Work Doctor

Think of yourself like a professional athlete. You need to surround yourself with a solid team of coaches, experts, and supporters to achieve your exceptional goals.

- Nina L. Kaufman, Esq., Ask the Business Lawyer & Business Partnership Central

Trust your gut. Often we intuitively know the direction we want to follow well before our brain catches on.

- Pamela Dodd, Internet entrepreneur

Stop being flattered when asked to do business. You have every right to be in the game, play the game, and win!

- Joni Daniels, Power Tools for Women

For those contemplating taking what Thoreau called 'the leap in the dark to our success’, it’s necessary to gather data, including seeking out advice from several sources. Too often, though, you’ll find that people may not be so excited about your idea or may not believe in you. Don’t listen to them. You must know with absolute certainty that you are going to make this thing work, one way or another. Once you have that confidence and determination, nothing will stop you.

- Deb Owen, 8 hours & a Lunch: A Search for Balance and Sanity

While you are pouring energy into your new business, don't forget to drink as you pour. Drink from your well, whether that well is exercise, meditation, spending time in Nature -- whatever replenishes you.

- Judy Martin, Work/Life Monitor

I started my marketing business 20 years ago and, looking back, I remember wondering if I would make it. Here are three things that worked for me. I used affirmations to remind me of what I could do, connected with successful entrepreneurs to inspire me and gave thanks every day for the little victories along the way.

- Tricia Molloy, Author of Divine Wisdom at Work: 10 Universal Principles for Enlightened Entrepreneurs