The fwm "our matters" blog - Don't Be Afraid To Get Paid!

Don't Be Afraid To Get Paid!

Posted by: Domenica | Posted on: May 14, 2008 | Comments 22

I recently attended my friend/neighbor's "Gab and Dab" event at her newly-opened children's art studio. It included open access to her adorable studio for the parents to chit chat while they let the kids dive into the art goodies. I was so impressed- amazing projects on display by current students of her structured curriculum, a treasure trove of art supplies organized through colorful bins and shelves, great music by which to create, colorful kid-sized furniture... everything except... wawh wawh (trombone sound) this empty tissue box near the back sink that said, "$20. Thank You." That was how she was charging for this fabulous event? We were supposed to shove our $20 fee into this tissue box? She was presenting herself as a step up from panhandling.

A few days after the event over a push-trike walk with our girls, I raved to my friend about her studio and the fun my daughter and I had at Gab and Dab (and how I loved that she got to explore the world of glitter without being in my house). I couldn't resist teasing her about her fancy 'cash register' though and she admitted that her event revenue was (not surprisingly) slim. She further confessed that she HATES dealing with the money--she almost invited her husband just to collect it! As an added complexity, she's friendly with all the parents now and isn't comfortable charging people she 'knows' (she actually offered for my daughter to be a freebie and I vehemently declined!!)

There I was about to dole out the "Just do it- ask for the money!" advice when I recalled that I had a similar problem myself in my freelancing days. I could have made a lot more money than I did but I actually felt uncomfortable charging for my services- especially when my work came so easily to me and I liked my clients so much!! Why did I undervalue myself like that? After all, they had hired me and they fully expected to pay.

fwm contributor Joni Daniels, creator of Power Tools for Women (DEFINITELY check out her work when you have a chance--she's amazing), recently gave this advice to the Yahoo! Seeds For Success contestants. It really rings true for my friend and I suspect, many women business owners:

Stop being flattered when asked to do business. You have every right to be in the game, play the game, and win!

Do you get sheepish when it comes to money matters? Did you find a way to overcome it? Are you a freelancer or entrepreneur who's plagued by or recovered from treating too many clients and customers to your "friends-and-family" prices?

Related tags: freelancing, money, Yahoo!

22 people have responded so far. Add your comment below.

Dorinne said:
05.14.08 11:28 a.m.

This my major problem! I sell jewelry,home and garden decor and baked goods at a local farmers/crafters market and the community expects everything to be inexpensive.We live in an area that is mostly industrial and Wal-Mart rules.Our vendors offer high quality products backed with excellent customer service. As a committee member,we discussed ways to overcome this longstanding attitude.Please direct me to all the info. you have on this subject.On my jewelry website I am adding a link that features our markets.We should have it done soon. Exposure on the web is vital and we have an amazing market that the world need to see!

Marion Oliver said:
05.14.08 1:55 p.m.

I heard a story from a close buddy that kind of shocked me. Her husband is a doctor and a very nice guy. He has that same problem of feeling guilty for charging regular rates to people whom he has met before. He often wants to waive the co-pay (you know, the 10-15 bucks your insurance company requires for a regular office visit) for patients whom he has gotten to know, because he feels bad charging it. Who knew doctors had those thoughts!? I told her to reassure him that personally, no matter how much I like my docs and they me, I wouldn't expect them to knock off the co-pay.

Lori R said:
05.14.08 2:16 p.m.

Dorinne brings up a good point. Some people actually *expect* a discount where they should not! That is just the kind of attitude that makes businesspeople (especially women) think that they need to apologetically lower their prices. If you know that your prices are fair and in line with what others are charging, make sure there is truly a reason for a discount before you offer one.

Dorinne said:
05.14.08 2:41 p.m.

Thanks Lori.I kindly remind customers that remark,"that much?" that my time and energy is just as valuable as someone who works in a factory or sits behind a desk, they usually get the point.I am extremely concerned about the economy, I want to view it as an opportunity to capture more locals this year. But then we still run into that attitude.One of my events next season for the winter market will be a kids art festival,I liked the comment about glitter,I will keep that in mind!

Emma said:
05.15.08 5:06 a.m.

In such a high consumption driven society where we expect to pay less for a product that may only last for 6 months but that doesn't matter as it was not that expensive, this attitude prevents beautiful jewellery like Dorinne has created from selling at their true worth. You need a niche angle to allow your market to see the benefit of having this jewellery. It is hard to justify receiving money, especially for women who may have been out of the market place for the last few years, but none the less we are valuable members and worth every cent we earn. Women have so much to offer, plus the ability to do it in a friendly non pushy manner.

Lisa said:
05.15.08 9 a.m.

I think it helps if we consider how vital we are to the economy as a whole. Whatever we earn ultimately gets spent and therefore contributes to the economy as well as to others' financial growth. I doubt many of us are hoarding every dollar we earn in our mattresses. My point is that if we are too timid to ask for a payment that represents our true worth, it might help to consider that by short-changing ourselves, we are also hurting others who will be affected by our limited ability to spend. We all play a part in the great circle of earning and spending. There are plenty of ways to give back to the community and to friends who have helped you. Not charging what you're worth isn't one of them.

Abby Hales said:
05.15.08 9:40 a.m.

Lisa, that is such a good point! There is so much more that we can do to give great service and make VIPs feel special without undercutting our worth.

Brenda said:
05.15.08 9:45 a.m.

This strikes a chord with me. I definitely made that mistake at first in my career. I started out in telecom sales. I had to learn to ask for what I knew the products were worth. In the beginning, I almost found myself "starting the negotiation" before I met with the clients by talking myself out of asking for more (you know, "I'll ask $400 because there's no way they'll pay $500"). A great boss told me this: It is not your job to negotiate on their behalf. Let them handle that. GREAT advice.

Dorinne said:
05.15.08 6:03 p.m.

I appreciate all the comments about being charitable without giving away my work! I got the link working to my D.Green's outdoor cafe on my 9thstreetjewlry website. Could some of you take a look and tell me what you think? I am really proud of this, I used Yahoo site builder to put it together. I know there are a few things to tweak, but I wanted to get it out there. Thanks for your time!

Viviana said:
05.15.08 10:10 p.m.

@Dorinne...it looks great!!!! My one and only suggestion is to add pictures to the main page---the three shots on the Contact Us page are lovely and inviting. Some pictures like that would work perfectly. Congratulations! You did a fabulous job with this.

Dorinne said:
05.15.08 10:50 p.m.

I have to take pictures of my new creations and we will be adding new decorative elements to the pages as well. My son is still working on the problem of importing the original site to yahoo site builder. The text and picture quality does not look good. He has been working hard to correct it so we don't have to start from scratch. Thank you ladies for all of your support! It means much to me!

Tanya said:
05.22.08 10:05 a.m.

Wow, Lisa your statement above sure struck a chord with me too. I am living in a city where Wal-Mart definitely RULES, minimum wage prevails. I decided to start my own business, doing what I love, offering cooking classes and health counseling. It doesn't exist here and I'm getting a great response, but the money part has become such an issue! I include everything: me, the materials, recipe, meal... fun!!! Everyone is hemming and hawing and not responding back once I price out each class. I used to own/operate a cafe in NY... I can't even remember how many lattes or sandwiches I would 'give' to my 'friends', because I hated 'charging' them. In saying that, I am not a good businesswoman, but I sure had a lot of business. I want to take this business to the depths of all it can be. Health and nutrition is a growing problem in our community/society!

Dorinne said:
05.22.08 6:34 p.m.

Tanya, I experience the same problems at the summer market. The vendors are struggling to make money and when it comes to the food side of my sales they only want to pay a few dollars for a home-cooked meal. One of my goals for the market this year was to feature our growers produce by cooking and serving wholesome food. But I hit a snag and have to change my offerings at the market. A friend of mine is doing the same thing you are and she also runs into the problem of getting what she deserves. Sometimes a community choses what it is willing to pay for and it is difficult to overcome long standing views of what is of value to them, we have to work harder to teach them that what we offer is better than McD's!

Tanya said:
05.23.08 9:42 a.m.

Thanks Dorinne. I agree. I try to tell myself people are spending two hours with me, my personality and my knowledge. I am giving/offering them something they don't know, educating them. There is a value in that. I don't want to make the same mistakes as I did when I had my cafe, basically giving away my business. It can't be 'free', but how do we change peoples expectations of what they are and are not willing to pay. Woman will spend, easily $30-50+ at a salon getting their nails done. Is wholesome, organic, nutritional, delicious food not more valuable. Instead people eat at McD's, Arby's, Taco Bell...... Even the farmer's markets are suffering, when you can get fresh produce from local farmers at great prices... and there is a huge difference in taste. I find it to be a sad epidemic. I am hoping to have that 'ah hah' moment when I can figure out the 'how to' and start making a real difference. What is your website? I'm working on one for my business.

Dorinne said:
05.23.08 4:44 p.m.

Hello Tanya, my website is www.9thstreetjewelry.com. If you click on the link for D. Green's outdoor cafe you will see what I have been up to.I sell both jewelry and food at the market.It is an odd combination, but it works!I will be selling what I can while I have my temp. food stand license, then I switch to shelf stable foods.With skyrocketing gas prices, I plan on capturing as many local shoppers as possible, I will have a chessboard and coloring pages available for the *freebies*. I appreciated an earlier comment that there are other ways to be charitable without giving our work away! You know Mc.D's and others do not give discounts for buying more than one meal, why should I? It is interesting to me what people pick and chose as of value. I believe before to long, their stomach's will rule!

tanya said:
05.24.08 8:50 a.m.

Hi Dorinne. Great site. I like it! I agree... what is of value to people is interesting. I like to comment, "there are ways of being charitable without giving our work away." I would love to know how the mentors of this site, Carolyn Kepcher would handle our situations, and do differently.

Dorinne said:
05.24.08 6:36 p.m.

I agree, I would love to hear from others , their thoughts and knowledge on this subject. Something interesting happened at the market today. The vendors payed me more than I asked for! They said my time and what I do for the market was worth the extra money! How awesome! I worked hard during the winter market and gave them the discounts we have been discussing, now they are respecting my prices for the summer market. Why? I think it is because they are making more at this market than they did during the winter. Perception, perhaps? The freebies went well today and were appreciated by the vendors and customers. The chessboard and tangoes game encouraged people to sit down and enjoy the beautiful day we had. We are working hard to create a place for family and friends to gather and enjoy the market and planned activities. Today we got off to a good start!

Shoshsana said:
05.29.08 2:53 p.m.

Thanks for the blog on "Don't be afraid to get paid". I am reading a fantastic book on this subject called "Ask For It: How women can use the power of negotiation to get what they really want" by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever (c) 2008. It gives all kinds of tools and tips, plus real life stories of women who did ask for what they wanted, and got it!

Viviana said:
05.29.08 4:22 p.m.

Thanks, Shoshsana--always glad to hear a good book recommendation!

Geri said:
05.31.08 3:31 a.m.

I learned 2 different lessons in this subject. The first was that I got a gig once because the person said I quoted him the HIGHEST price. He felt that the other people who answered the ad couldn't be as competent as he needed because they were charging so little! WOW The second is about giving things away to friends. My main income is from business services which my friends don't need so no problem there. But my second business is crafts and I was heavily discounting my things when selling to friends. But I noticed that my friends weren't actually buying much from me. Finally a good friend told me that they didn't like to buy from me because I wasn't taking enough money and they didn't want to take advantage of me! I started giving just a very modest discount to friends and everyone is happier. SO swallow hard, quote your prices and let people pay you.

Dorinne said:
05.31.08 3:38 p.m.

Thanks Geri, I never thought about it that way, that they might feel like they are taking advantage. I have been sticking to my prices this year at the market and people have not complained yet. I am concerned about the rising costs of everything and how it will affect buying at the market. We have noticed a slight increase yearly in the season which is good news. We are focusing our efforts on the local community since it is an inexpensive way to spend the day and a source for high quality goods and services.

Viviana said:
05.31.08 7:49 p.m.

@Geri, I'm with Dorinne-I never thought of it that way! Thank you for the excellent advice--I think you are dead-on right and you said it well.

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