Working From Home: No Shower, Mommy!

Posted by: Domenica | Posted on: April 14, 2008 | Comments 15

When I started to work full time again, my recently-turned-three daughter didn't credit my "mom account" for the times in her life that I worked part time, when I would sometimes work in the middle of the night so I could be with her the next day (part devotion, part typical freelancer-with-lack-of-regular-childcare). It was a double whammy: more hours and a big project that temporarily required five days per week at the office. "Temporarily" is not a concept for three-year-olds. All my sweetie knew was that I was no longer just a staircase away in my basement office...and she wasn't pleased.

I wasn't either, despite loving the new job. I could hardly even look at other moms pushing strollers past me in the city, knowing that earlier that morning, I had to poke my own daughter's fingers back into the house so I could safely shut the door and not miss my bus. Her screaming was so bad during my departure, that even my eight-month-old son joined in the chorus of terror one morning, thus blowing my rationalization that I least I wasn't screwing up both my kids.

Then things started to improve. I was able to work from home again for one day a week, and sometimes two! One "office-day" morning, I started my shower and I heard the screaming that typically accompanied my coat coming out of the closet: "NO! DON'T take a shower mommy! NO SHOWER! NO SHOWER." My smart little gal had caught on that I don't shower on days I work at home. My child actually breathes easier when she sees me in sweatpants and a ponytail.

Some days--just to survive--I would resort to lying that I was just going shopping. Other days I would say I was going to visit our friends Mrs. Marr and Mrs. Ketchup. (Carolyn gets a kick out of that!)

Then one day, it was over. My daughter announced, "I'm not going to cry today, Mommy." She even gave me a present as I went to leave: a Little People person. It was a well-earned trophy, if I do say so.

We made it through.

Now I go to the office a few times a week, sometimes (gasp!) by choice, because although I have babysitting, I can still hear the screaming upstairs. And as awful this sounds, it's sometimes better not knowing. Plus, showering's a good thing.

My name is Domenica and I'm a guilt addict.

Related tags: childcare, children, onramping, telecommuting

15 people have responded so far. Add your comment below.
Diana said:
04.14.08 12:39 p.m.
I have not experienced this yet because I am always home for right now. But you daughter's sign of maturity at age 3 (LOL) is one to be proud of Mom. And your bit about going to the office by choice, I am right there with you. Sometimes it is better to not know in order to concentrate. :)
Marion Oliver said:
04.14.08 2:31 p.m.
I laughed so hard at this! I can completely relate. Let's just say I am no beauty queen when I am working at home. If my clients had ANY idea how I looked when I spoke to them on the phone I would be immediately fired. Actually, I get a secret kick out of it! If they only knew! About the issue of the kids getting used to mommy having a job...there are days when I wonder if they will ever get used to it! However, I want my girls to know that work is a part of life and that it can be a wonderfully rewarding thing, not drudgery. I even don't mind when they see me up late at night working on something. My hope is that, on some level, they are learning about sacrifice and work ethic.
renata said:
04.14.08 4:22 p.m.
Yes, I, too can relate, and therefore throw my hat in the ring with all other ponytailers. One day, not long ago, it was a work-from-home day, but I'd actually risen, showered, dressed and applied make-up by the time my family joined me downstairs for breakfast (a monumental feat for me, alias Night Owl). One by one, my husband and two boys entered the kitchen -- and, one by one, they looked at me. My 6-year-old summed up their cumulative thoughts by asking, "Mom, do you have a big date or something?"
Quinisha Watkins said:
04.14.08 5:27 p.m.
Ha Ha! I just had to get it all out first. Ya'll are so funny! I understand fully about this. I tried to work some time before and it was a joy as well as a bit of feeling like I had made a big mistake. It didn't work out, of course, with the hours my husband had and because of childcare. I tell you your children can make you feel like the worst human being God ever created! It's just their way of saying, I love you this much! Ya'll know what I'm talking about, when they open wide their arms. I'm not going to say, don't feel bad, because we're mothers and we do love hard. Ladies, all I can say is take it for what it is and that is LOVE! Think about it on another level. Try to created a job for them at home so they can relate with you. Make it seem very important to you. By the way you do act as a role model to them. If we keep it real, they really do stop crying after awhile and it does get better.
Cathy said:
04.14.08 11:43 p.m.
Hope its all worth it
Stephanie said:
04.15.08 5:51 a.m.
I remember how it feels to have to leave my kids so that I could go to work. It was horrible because I am one of those moms who feels guilty about everything. I think it's just that notion that we have to be SuperMom and be able to do and be everything for everybody. One thing that helped me was the day that I spied on my kids after dropping them off at daycare. They had the 2-way mirrors where you could look in on your kids without their knowledge. Both of mine screamed and cried like they were just dying and I felt horrible. By the time I finally made it out their door and into the hidden room to watch them, they were playing with toys and other kids with not one tear in their eyes! They were even laughing. That was the reassurance I needed to know that I wasn't slowly killing them by leaving them for a few hours.
Quinisha Watkins said:
04.15.08 4:31 p.m.
Well ladies, I had to help my husband out with the bills. I got hired today and the shift that I had to get was 3pm-12am. That is not what I wanted, but I had to do what I had to do. So after training I will have my girls from 12am until 3pm. my husband will have them from 3pm until 12am. Not the best, but we have to do what benefits us all as a family. I'm asking all of you to keep us in your prayers. I can never get to many of those!
Viviana said:
04.15.08 5:16 p.m.
@Quinisha--first of all, best of luck in the new job. Even though it sounds like it is not your ideal set-up, I hope that you find rewarding things there. You speak of something that we plan to address on FindingWhatMatters--the "ships passing in the night" situation where husbands and wives work opposite shifts for childcare reasons. It has its own set of challenges, I'm sure. Please update us and let us know how you are making it work!
Stephanie said:
04.15.08 6:29 p.m.
Quinisha, I really wish you the best in your new job. As with any job, there are always going to be things we like and things we don't. When you think about the fact that maybe the schedule is not exactly what you had in mind, maybe it will help if you remember that God put you in that particular job and on that particular schedule for a purpose. From your posts in this blog, you always seem to have such a positive, enthusiastic outlook on things. Maybe there's somebody at your new job who needs to meet someone like you to receive some encouragement. Whatever the reason he put you there, things will work out great for you. I just know it. Good luck and keep us posted!
Quinisha Watkins said:
04.17.08 12:18 p.m.
Thank you both. That is what I was thinking, why else would God put me on that schedule? I'm really excited about the job. I'm praying that it help us with our needs. You ladies really help me to keep my spirits up, beleive it or not, and I appreciate it. I feel like you all are my friends and I enjoy reading your blogs. Viviana, I received your email and I'm going right now to get that web address. Also on the first blog, I need to know if there is any other way for me to view the webinar at another time. I have to go to training for my job at 8am-5pm on Monday I don't want to miss out. I was so excited until I remembered the training. I almost teared up, is there anything I can do?
Carolyn Kepcher said:
04.17.08 2:11 p.m.
MRS KETCHUP HERE!! I thought my five year old was the only one who put on a sad face when I hopped in the shower....and you can be sure...she checks my home office everyday when she gets off the bus to see if Mommy is working from home today. I have come to realize that the fact that I am physically there is more important than if I have time to spend with her that day. She is very good and understands when the door is closed I cannot be disturbed. So she tip toes in my office every now and again to give me a kiss as she quietly closes the door behind her. I have my cell phone number posted on the blackboard in the kitchen for her to call me. She may not always get through - but boy do I love to listen to those silly voicemails. Yes, guilt is a terrible thing - and we all experience it. A call home every once in a while or a note in her lunch box or sometimes a lipstick kiss on her cheek (for those mornings I'm out the door earlier than she wakes up) go a very long way!!! Carolyn
Jane said:
04.17.08 5:42 p.m.
I need time to digest the implications of Domenica's post... some of us get guilt from both generations - from our babies and from our mothers! Good luck, Quinisha. It's a blessing that one of you is with your baby the entire time even if it cannot be the both of you. Stephanie your comment was a relief, even though I'm not looking at childcare yet. We all hear about the resiliency of children but sometimes the separation grinds harder and longer on parents than on the kids.
Stephanie said:
04.18.08 7:42 a.m.
Jane, you just wouldn't believe how smart those little stinkers (kids) can be when it comes to knowing how to make us feel guilty! That "spying room" was right next door to the room where they ate breakfast before going to their individual classrooms. I had barely made it out the door and into that other room and they were already playing and laughing and here I was feeling horrible! I checked in on them several times after that (and even during the day on my lunch break) and the same thing happened each time. They were fine and having fun. My kids are teenagers now and they still pull guilt trips on me for everything, and unfortunately it still works. I think it's just a mom thing.
Quinisha Watkins said:
04.18.08 11:01 a.m.
Yes, children can be something else, but we love them. I can relate to the younger children and it is a blessing we can do it by ourselves, but it does get hard. Stephanie, are you trying to give me a stroke or just good advice? Ha Ha! Well, all I can say is, thanks for the warning! I thought somehow I could change my children with time. Guess I was wrong! Ha Ha! That is our jobs anyway and no matter what our children are still going to be our babies. Even if we don't want to admit it sometimes. Don't worry ladies, I'm getting some good practice in. It might just be a little more difficult when my three girls are older!
Dorinne said:
04.27.08 6:06 p.m.
How absolutely sweet Carolyn! I love that you have found ways to express your love for your daughter! Never under estimate the small things we CAN do! Save those voice mails, the years go by so quickly and a small voice from the past will be your reminder of why you do what you do.
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